The Muffin Man
by Reiven
Summary: Yuriy/Kai. Kai attempts to bake, unfortunately for him, his baking skills leave much to be desired. Seems that Yuriy will have to expect something else for their anniversary now that Kai has ‘finally’ met his match.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Beyblade.

One Shot, YuriyKai Kai attempts to bake, unfortunately for him, his baking skills leave much to be desired. Seems that Yuriy will have to expect something else for their anniversary now that Kai has '_finally'_ met his match.

This story was inspired by a picture drawn by lyrikkal and was intended to be written according to the picture, but it changed near the end because inspiration was at flowing out in a steady stream.

Characters are probably out of character and sorry if Kai's comes off as a bit of a moron. By the way, this is probably my first time ever writing Yuriy as Seme in this relationship. I don't know, I suddenly seem to find an effeminate Kai endearing?

**The Muffin Man.**

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_**Banana Bran Muffins.**_

_3/4 c. buttermilk  
1/4 c. vegetable oil  
2 egg whites  
2 tbsp. Honey  
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour  
3 oz. uncooked bran  
2/3 c. instant non-fat dry milk  
1 tsp. baking soda  
1/4 tsp. Cinnamon  
1/4 tsp. Nutmeg  
__3 very ripe med. bananas, mashed_

'_Okay, everything seems simple enough. Banana bran muffins … I think Yuriy will like it … he'd better,_' an image of his redheaded lover lingered in Kai's mind.

The kitchen was Kai's home for the day as Yuriy went off to take care of some Abbey business downtown. The slate haired boy was hit by a brainstorm while thinking of what or how to celebrate the anniversary of the first time him and Yuriy had had sex. Although the Russian captain had insisted on more than one occasion that what they did was made love, Kai stood by his conviction that it was raw, fervent, unyielding sex.

'_First thing: three quarter c, I assume that would be cup, of buttermilk_,' Kai's right hand reached over to grab the white bowl, spooning the contents into a bigger bowl that was placed right in front of him, '_next: one-quarter cup of vegetable oil, got it._'

Lightly mixing the concoction, Kai glanced over to the yellowing paper where the recipe was written.

'_Two egg whites_,' looking over to the carton of eggs that was beside the honey, he couldn't help but narrow his eyes, '_egg whites? They all look pretty off-white to me._'

Shrugging his shoulders, Kai grabbed two off the eggs and rapped the shells gently against the side of the bowl. Much to his chagrin, and perhaps the person who would end up cleaning the kitchen later, he had under-estimated his strength and ended up with a palm full of slimy egg substance.

'_Damn it,_' he cursed, his left hand shooting out to grab one of the striped kitchen cloths to clean up the mess. Instead, he made more of a mess when he accidentally elbowed the opened bag of flour, spilling the contents to the floor, '_Damn it!_'

Kai continued to mumble and grumble as he got on his hands and knees to scoop up the access flour off of the floor and into another bowl, '_My last bag,_' he mused, '_but what Yuriy doesn't know won't hurt him,_' he couldn't help the sly smirk that had curled at the side of his lips.

Kai straightened up, the white stains on the floor left for later maintenance. He brushed off the access flour off of the orange apron he wore and went back to his attempted baking.

'_Two … tbsp … tibsp …_' Kai raised an eyebrow, '_what the heck's a tibsp?_' looking over the kitchen utensils he had at his beck and call, Kai could not specify which of the apparatus was a tibsp and decided to skip that part first, '_next is one and a half cups of whole wheat flour …_'

Clearing his throat involuntarily, Kai scooped up the remaining flour to the exact measurements and poured it into the bowl along with the buttermilk and the oil, '_Ah, shit, nearly forgot the egg._'

This time, careful to control his strength, Kai managed to break the first egg without difficulty, unfortunately, the second egg once again shattered in his hand, but not before dropping a few pieces of the shells into the batter. Kai's eye twitched as he contemplated picking out the shells. But after thinking over the consequences where he might have actually touch the batter and make his hands sticky, he settled with a '_what Yuriy doesn't know won't hurt him,_' and moved onto the next item on the list.

'_Three,_' Kai couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, '_oz? What does the Wizard of Oz have to do with baking muffins?_' Kai sweat-dropped, coming to the conclusion that if the contaminated flour and the eggshells wouldn't hurt Yuriy, then neither would a few extra oz's of uncooked bran, before dumping half a bag of it into his mixture.

By this time, Kai was beginning to realize that things were not turning out much like he had planned and decided that he did not know, for the life of him, what instant, non-fat, dry milk was.

Instant: noodles. Non-fat: something Takao would never be. Dry-milk: something you'd get out of a dehydrated cow?

Kai sighed; noodles, Takao and cows were not something commonly found in muffins, so that left him right back where he started.

But Kai, being Kai, did not give up. He come to a decision that if contaminated flour, eggshells and half a pound of bran would not hurt Yuriy, neither would one-quarter cup of low-fat, high-calcium, non-dry, cow's milk.

'_Next on the list,_' Kai brushed off the guilt that had started welling up in the pit of his stomach, '_one … tisp of baking soda? Tisp? Is that not the same as tibsp?_' Kai almost wanted to cry, but instead, he took the small canister of baking soda and dumped it all into his mixture, '_it won't hurt Yuriy either. He's invincible._'

Now that everything was starting to fall to pieces, Kai discarded the recipe, took the whole cup of nutmeg (or what he thought was nutmeg) chucked it into the big bowl, which was starting to look very lumpy and very brown, and three very ripe bananas. Kai noticed that he was short of any medical bananas so he had to settle for the normal ones. He cut them, mashed them and threw them in with the rest of the very scary looking batter.

When the batter was done, or rather, when Kai was finished mutilating the brownish gunk that he had in his bowl, he took the muffin pan, spread a little oil on it so that the mixture wouldn't stick and attempted to spoon out the contents into the little holes on the tray.

Ten minutes and three spoons later, Kai was finally finished. Now it was just a case of slipping the tray into the oven and wait for it to bake for approximately twenty-five minutes at three hundred and fifty degrees.

Or so Kai thought.

The truth was, Kai was as familiar with the oven as he was with baking muffins and had actually set the oven temperature to six hundred and ten degrees.

And _that_ is why we find Kai sitting dejectedly at the very messy kitchen table, glaring murder at the black, miniature boulder-like muffins in front of him. Though glaring, he couldn't stop the incessant tick that had started in his left eye, '… _maybe Yuriy won't notice …_'

As quite as literally as the saying went, if you speak of the devil, you step on its tail; Yuriy choose that exact moment to arrive home in a rumbling sound that was their car exhaust.

"Honey, I'm home," his seductive voice rang out inside the house. When it reached Kai's ears, the slate haired boy sighed, taking to his feet to greet his returned Koi.

"Yuriy-"

Kai didn't have enough time to react before Yuriy swooped down and swept him off his feet, carrying him towards the kitchen, bridal style, "I smell something good, did you bake something for me?"

"… if you could call it baking, then yes … I suppose I did," Kai sweat-dropped; remembering the meteors that currently resided on his table.

"That's so sweet," Yuriy cooed, "not to celebrate the first time we made love, I suppose?"

"You could say that," he eyed the redhead, "and we didn't make love, we made hot, passionate, erotic sex. Get your facts straight."

"Fine, fine. To honour this special occasion, I will let you have your way for once."

Upon entering the kitchen, Kai attempted not to laugh at the look on his Koi's face when his eyes fell on the outcome of his 'baking.

"Happy anniversary," Kai said dryly, wriggling his was out of his stunned lover's arms.

Yuriy cleared his throat, but could not tear his eyes away from the unnatural life form that was Kai's baking, "Is this (Kai nodded) Aha … it looks very … ahem, appetising," his eyebrow twitched.

Kai walked over to the table, rolled one of the muffins onto a plate and heaved it over to Yuriy, "Bite?"

Sweat poured down his face as he stared at the black monstrosity; "S-Sure …" he loosened the collar of his jumper and wiped his forehead with the back of his sleeve. With a trembling hand, Yuriy broke off a piece and attempted to sniff it, but pulled back abruptly when the stench reached his nostrils, "bottoms up," he forced a smile onto his face before stuffing the piece into his mouth, '_I just hope that I'm not the one who goes bottom up._'

Kai looked carefully at Yuriy as he chewed; his face expressionless.

All of a sudden Yuriy stiffened, his shoulder shivered slightly and his eyes rolled back into his head before he fell to the ground in dead faint.

Kai blinked, and blinked, until the realization hit him full on, "Yuriy!" he shouted and rushed forward to his fallen Koi. "Yuriy! Yuriy! Can you hear me?" he shook the redheads shoulders frantically. When there was not movement, Kai fell back against the counter, '_I was wrong; the contaminated flour, eggshells, half a pound of uncooked bran, twenty-five grams of baking soda and, what I thought was nutmeg, did hurt him,' _his eyes grew wide, '_I killed Yuriy!_'

Fortunately for Kai, who seemed to be on the verge of a panic attack, a moan escaped Yuriy's lips and he clutched his stomach.

"Yuriy," Kai leaped to his side, but the suffering redhead didn't seem to notice his presence as he kept moaning and groaning in pain. Kai didn't let up, he kept on calling Yuriy's name over and over, until the sound of his voice faded away.

That is the reason why, five hours later, we find Kai slumped over in a stiff chair by the king size bed in his and Yuriy's room, staring dejectedly at the very unconscious redhead. Until the said redhead groaned and his long lashed eyes slowly cracked open, "K-ai?"

Kai's head flew up and he locked eyes with Yuriy's icy blues, his hand reaching over to the bedside table to grab an open pad. He lifted the white page to Yuriy's eye level and waited until he had finished scanning the writing on the paper.

_Are you okay? _

It read.

Yuriy nodded his head uncertainly. He was about to open his mouth to say something, but stopped when Kai turned the page.

_I'm sure you're going to ask me why I'm writing this down._

The page was flipped and Yuriy saw a slight blush creep up onto Kai's cheeks.

_When you passed out, I tried waking you up by calling your name._

Flip.

_Before I knew it, five hours had passed and … well … as you can see, one course of action lead to another and here we are. _

Yuriy felt a slight pull at the corner of his lips, but any thoughts of an oncoming smirk was quickly extinguished when he burped and felt an acidic bile rise up to this throat, causing his to jump out of bed (albeit ungracefully) and rush towards the bathroom where sounds of heaving were heard seconds later.

Kai couldn't help but sweat-drop.

Yuriy emerged a few minutes later, leaning heavily against the wall and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He slowly made his way back to bed, threw back the covers and crawled in. All of a sudden, he realized that he didn't feel very good.

Kai flipped the page of his pad and held it up.

_I realize that you're not feeling very good right now … sorry …_

"What the hell was in that muffin? It was a muffin, wasn't it?"

Kai blushed and flipped to the next page.

_Trust me, you don't want to know. And yes, they were supposed to be muffins. _

Yuriy gave him a small smile, "Interesting anniversary were off to, isn't it?"

Kai lowered his head, flipping to the next page.

_Depends on your definition of the word interesting._

The redhead couldn't help but chuckle at the way Kai seemed to have expected his exact words.

_But …_

Yuriy saw the single word written in big, bold letters on a fresh page. He raised his eyebrow at Kai's apparent hesitation to turn to the page.

_The day's not over yet …_

He couldn't suppress an involuntary shudder, hoping that Kai didn't do what he think he did.

_So I decided to give it another shot._

He felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, "You didn't have to," his lips twitched, "really, Kai, you didn't," his eye twitched. Every twitch-able limb on his body began to twitch as Kai slid open the table drawer and pulled out an unseen object.

Yuriy braced himself as sweat began pouring down his face, '_Please not let it be what I think it is._'

What Kai had in his hand was actually a medium sized, flat box. It didn't seem like it would fit a muffin very well, a fact which Yuriy rejoiced to. Seeing the white box being held out to him, Yuriy reached over take it, sparring Kai a uncertain smile, he placed the box on his lap and pulling the two excess ribbon, unravelling the knot. His hand on either side of the lid, he lifted it up.

Kai seemed to hold his breath as Yuriy looked at the content. After a few moments, he looked up to meet Kai's worried gaze and gave him a warm smile, "Thank you," he placed a hand over Kai's and beckoned him into the bed he was currently occupying, pulling Kai close to his chest.

Kai could stop the small, triumphant smile to spread across his face.

Yuriy buried his face his Kai's soft slate coloured hair and whispered into his ear, "This is the best muffin I think I've ever had."

Placing the box on the nightstand, Yuriy leaned back into his pillow, arms still circled possessively around Kai, holding him close to his chest.

As the two cuddled together in the comforts of the soft, feather mattress, Yuriy couldn't help but glance over at the present once again. His eyes shone with a sense of adoration as he read the words once more.

_You are my stud muffin._

It said, with a little, oddly shaped muffin drawn beneath the words.

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**The End.**

I personally am very happy, and very proud of this story. This was a bit like writing Tick, Tock goes the Clock. Everything just fell into place as I was writing and it turned out like I had (or even better) than I had imagined it in my head.

Review.


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